Saturday, November 2, 2013

OUR MINDS, SATAN'S TARGET. PART TW0, continued

I'm  going  to attempt to finish this today. If you are reading this and are a praying Child of God, I ask that you pray for strength for me. Parkinson's has weakened my body until I tire  easily.

No one should ever live with the shame of someone else's sin, but the victim of sexual abuse almost always carries a shame that belongs to the person who abused them. Sometimes we live with shame without recognizing  it. But, it is important to understand shame (also referred to as s elf-contempt) because it is one of Satan's most powerful weapons to sabotage the life God meant for  us  to live. We owe it to Him, to our self, and to those we love to recognize its source and its effects on us.

It's important to separate false shame for what others have done to us and the rightful shame for our own sins. Each of us has committed sins against our God for which we need to repent. It's too easy  to fall into a habit of  blaming our sins on what has happened to us. The other extreme is to accept blame that isn't ours. For a victim of sexual abuse, this can be confusing and hard to separate, and we may need an objective person to help in the process.
There are two ways contempt can be directed. I am not sure what makes some people  direct their shame inwardly toward themselves (as I did) while others direct their angry shame (contempt)  outwardly toward others. Which ever way we direct that shame, it is harmful to us and those we love.

I was so surprised when I recognized my behaviors as described in Dr. Dan Allender's four stages of self contempt below. Like I, you may recognize behaviors that you exhibit in more than one of these stages.

Least severe contempt (shame) is when we have a sense of unworthiness. Here are some issues a person struggles with in this stage:
          1. Being uncomfortable when someone compliments us.
          2. Uncomfortable when somone shows  interest in us as a  person.
          3. Feeling unworthy of attention.
          4. Mistrust of peoople who are kind to us.
          5. Surprised when someone genuinely appears to be happy to see us.
     
          (I exibited all of the above behaviors for years.)

Midly severe contempt (shame) involves comparing ourself to others and rebuking the loser.

        1. Rebuking ourself for making a  mistake.
        2. Beating up on ourself for sinning.
        3. Having a pattern of finding fault with others.
        4. Thinking of ourself as ugly, fat, stupid, dumb, inadequate, or unfeminine.
        5. Being critical of other people.
        6. Giving excuses for our actions when they are challenged.

        (In this category, the behaviors  I exibited most were #'s 1, 2, 4, & 6)

Moderately severe contempt  (shame) is often played out in fantasies. Issues may be:

         1. Being aroused by fantasies, descriptions, or depictions of women being abused or degraded.
         2. Daydreaming about taking revenge.
         3. Enjoying violence in books, movies, etc.  
         4. Abusing food (overeating, under  eating, or vomiting, etc.) but not enough to be life-threatening.
         5. Witholding relatiionships as an act of  revenge toward those with whom  I love.

(As far as  I know and understood my own actions, I don't believe I exhibited any of the above behaviors.)

Very severe contempt might drive a person to harm herself or another. Issues persons struggle with in this stage are:

       1. Thinking about suicide often.
       2. Thinking about killing someone often, or about that person dying.
       3. Thinking about hurting myself physically by cutting, scratching, burning, etc.
       4. Thinking about hurting someone else.

(I am very ashamed to have to say that I not only thought about suicide, but attempted it at age 32. The reason I am ashamed of it is because God has revealed to me  that my trying to take the life He gave me has hurt Him more than anything I've ever done or anything that has ever been done to me. It hurts to know I've hurt the heart of  my God.)

I pray that, if you have identified behaviors in one or more of these stages that have puzzled or shamed you for years, you will find a Christian person who can help you. I am blessed to have as my best friend a wonderful lady who, with her husband, has a counseling ministry in Madisonville called "Transformation Ministries". Martha and I were co-leaders of the sexual abuse recovery groups in our church for the past five years. Parkinson's makes me unable to continue that ministry. However, Martha will be continuing the groups with another co-leader. The two of them will be a great  team.

God is opening new doors for me to minister to hurting women from home. It has become a precious means for me  to tell who our God is and what He wants to do in each of our lives. My greatest desire is to be able to "tell it", as He asked, for as long as I have breath.